THE EVOLUTION OF MY EXISTENCE

I had a long drive ahead of me. Severe anxiety had set in a day ago, and my head was ringing with a stress headache. He was packing while I was out of town, and I felt relief, but I was also feeling apprehension. I wanted to be there so none of my things went missing. “Oh well,” I thought, “At least now I won’t have to listen to his put downs or excuses to stay.” This was another one of his lessons. I was certain of it.

     He didn’t want to leave at all. He’d told me he thought we would just pick up where we’d left off. I was horrified by the idea of having him occupy the same space as me. I did play along some, believing that if I did, he wouldn’t steal anything else from me. In reflection, he’d taken more than he would ever know, but I certainly wasn’t going to tell him.

     The highway felt endless. Sleeping in my own bed was appealing, but knowing he’d be gone made it perfect. No one would be complaining or lurking on the sofa. Never again would I have to see his face or listen to his put-downs. I was pondering a couch burning party. I contemplated hosting the social event and considered that it would make a huge mess; especially, after someone called the fire department.

     Mm, but why am I feeling stressed, I wondered. It was a colossal relief knowing he wouldn’t be there when I opened the door. I decided the worry was due to the unknown.

     I rounded the corner and my house came into view. “At least it’s still standing”, I thought. It looked deserted as if it hadn’t been occupied for months. The lawn was overgrown and brown. “Lazy jerk,” I said to no one but myself. He hadn’t bothered mowing or watering in two weeks’ time. The place looked like hell. I was mentally kicking myself for leaving his apartment tidy when I’d sold my house in another state and made the mistake of moving in with him. Our reunion lasted mere months, but when he showed up at my door nine months later, I’d buckled. 

 Copyright © 2016 By Chance